Speaking in Artwork Display

Please shut up.

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Every now and then, some celebrities descend from their gated community to give us common peasants their very necessary two cents.

Rarely though is it ever anything of substance. Rarely is it a long winded, well-worded, non-profanity-ridden rant that could become its own Declaration of Independence.

When they finally peek their head out of the clouds and decide to say something in regards to recent happenings, it’s usually painfully simple. Tiny text in a void. Insignificant on all accounts, yet it’s pushed to us as if it’s meant to be profound; muddying the waters to make it seem deep.

There’s something about this way of speaking that irks me. The presentation. The pretentious display. It isn’t the fact that it’s some jester descending from the throne to grunt into a microphone before swaggering away without ever getting contested. The closest thing I can describe to it is like a modern art display.

You know how you walk in and you see a fuckin’ banana hung up in one of the exhibits? No intricately decorated frame, no story to tell, just a lone fruit surrounded by a blank, white wall highlighted with only the most exquisitely sterile LEDs. You’re left wondering if the art was stolen or this is truly the statement the gallery wants to make.

That’s how my brain sees it at least. That’s what I see whenever Billie Eilish posts some five word tweet regarding the Outrage of the Week™. It wants to look deep and profound… but at the end of the day, it’s just another fruit that’ll either be consumed or rotted – useless by seven days, either way.

We really request that all celebrities shut their mouths on matters they don’t know about and are afraid to be challenged on. You’re never going to see a talk show host tell Billie straight up how idiotic she sounds. It won’t happen to any of these celebrities, because their little teams curate their every move to make them seem ethereal. Perfect. Then they get eaten alive because they felt short of glory for only a moment, and you know what? Damn. I wish I cared. What can be better than a false prophet being humbled?

Celebrities (and probably anyone else for that matter) diving into the arena of moral superiority is always a laugh because it’s a minefield they set for none other than themselves. Everyone wants to be the next Jesus Christ, until human nature slaps them in the face and reminds them that there is only one.

It’s an infinite and savage game of who can be the best person, and the only people playing that game are the worst people you know. So stay out of it and just accept that you are Hitler.