A Billionaire and a Caveman… Why Should We Care?
- Snapian Network
- 5 days ago
- 3 min read
You’ve got two broken arms, and two dysfunctional legs. Sounds like bad news, right?
Even worse, there’s a mosquito on your face that you just can’t shake away. A probe here, a probe there, and all the itchiness that follows.
That’s how it feels when you see yet another manifestation of the current Taylor Swift/Travis Kelce craze.
There’s a lot of tragedies in the news almost daily, especially nowadays. It’s paralyzing. But sitting on top of that – probing you with its patience-sucking proboscis – is a too-good-to-be-true love story between a billionaire and a caveman that just can’t shut the fuck up, to put it simply.
I don’t understand why we have to be subjected to it. The algorithms. The corporations. The teenage white girls. They all fawn over this couple. I tried my hardest to find this thing I’m supposed to celebrate, but truthfully, I can’t find it. I really can’t. Everywhere you look, it’s this idiotic caveman and the person keeping him on the leash, and I'm tired.
In my quest to find what all the fuss was about (trust me, I'm still looking), I skimmed through that podcast that everyone was talking about for some reason: I couldn’t help but wonder - as I watched him drool in awe over a word as basic as “esoteric” - wow, this guy really is a bumbling fool.
I just see vapidness. I just see a neanderthal that froths at the mouth over advanced concepts. A tool. A people-pleaser so chronic, he unironically said it’d be an honor to have President Trump (Yes, the guy who openly stated he hates his partner on social media) at one of his football games.
Swift is no better. My condolences if that spineless cretin is your end-game, man… but I don’t wanna hear it. Also didn’t she have a whole “strong feminist” era? Why on Earth is her whole marketing strategy now centered around this weirdo? You’ve been at this for nineteen years and now you’ve stooped so low as to announce an album on this dude's podcast? Of all things?
It’s a sad situation, man. It reeks of midlife crisis. And this Travis Kelce character is the embarrassing result of it. They’re really trying to make him into the next John Cena/Dwayne Johnson. The big guy, the nice guy. The big softie. The household name.
They are really, desperately trying, but I'm not buying it. Sadly they’re not gonna be able to shake the time he yelled and pushed his elderly coach, Andy Reid.
The lyrics she writes about him… she basically calls him a dumbass.
Why are they pushing it so hard? It’s the golden question… but if you ask in most places, you’ll get anything BUT a reasonable answer.
“You must be jealous.” That’s like saying if you have arachnophobia, you must secretly want to fuck spiders. No… we just don’t like it. It’s not much deeper than that. It might be deeper for you maybe… because maybe you got something to project… but don’t put it on us.
“Just ignore it.” Nah, man… we’re just sick, and we’re telling it like it is.
If it were so easy to ignore, we wouldn’t write an article about it. Truly I tell you: finding its way into the corner of the room like a roach, it’s Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce… and I’m tired. It’s like a schizophrenic dog that just keeps on barking. The hell are you barking at, man? There’s nobody there.
People are salivating over this all-American fantasy couple bullshit and I'm just wondering... why should we care?
