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A gallimaufry of the greatest content in all of the cosmos.
"You want to know who I am? Heh, that's cute. I want to know who I am as well. As a matter of fact, I want to know who all of us are. Who in the world knows the truth of why we're all here? But that's neither here nor there.
The real question is, are you prepared to face the danger? The wrath of a million suns? The end of your own kind? Are you ready to endure this hell? To face the pain of your inevitable doom? Because that is what you are going to experience here. We're all put on this planet, forced to shit, born to wipe, and then you die. Some will pass on sooner than others; but on this site, you can do that right now.
I am Dr. Snap, the Wizard. I am here to deliver unto you the greatest gift of all: The pain."
Dr. Snap is always working "hard" to bring you the best of the best. Come back soon to see what other goodies we have cooked up in the cauldron!
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Position: None
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Nationality: North Pole
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Languages: Christmas
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Hair Color: Yes
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Eye Color: Brighter than Medlock's future
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Height: North Pole
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Build: Not cut out for snow
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Features: The elves have pointy ears trope
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Ethnicity: Northern-Polian
About Northern-Polian Elves
The Northern-Polian Elves are servants of Ultrawizard Santa. They became temporary slaves to Ultrawizard Cornelius after Santa abandoned them at a rice field. After Cornelius’ death, the elves freed themselves. Their current whereabouts are unknown. Ancient Snaptronaut theorists believe they are now mythological rarities.
History
Ancient Snaptronaut theorists trace the existence of the Northern-Polian Elves all the way back to the remains of a small village on a peninsula. Behind this peninsula was a vast snowy jungle of rice trees. It is believed the jungle was a constant source of misery for the elves due to the unending cold, as well as the wrong-losers that lurked in the snowy grass. They were soon discovered by Santa (a lesser wizard at the time), who offered them protection, as well as a new home - a mansion.
For his constant acts of goodwill, Santa was promoted to Ultrawizard status. He handed off his promotional blessing to the elves, granting them an ability to turn rice crops into gifts.
Santa had to sustain his Ultrawizard prestige, so he tasked himself with mass-producing gifts and donating them across the lands once per year. Out of gratitude, the elves created the impossibly large factory that would help Santa accomplish this goal.
After many centuries, the rice forest was eventually depleted. The elves searched elsewhere for rice to turn into gifts, eventually stumbling upon UltraWizard Cornelius’ recently purchased plot of rice fields. UltraWizard Cornelius believed the elves were part of a wrong-loser gang, and punished them. He unleashed an unholy wrath.
What remains of the Northern-Polian Elves remains a mystery. Some ancient Snaptronaut theorists argue they went extinct due to lack of survival skills.